Trader Joe’s Snubs Empty Bartell Drugs Site Over “Too Much Parking”

Residents across the Upper Snoqualmie Valley are crushingly disappointed as news has broken that beloved grocer Trader Joe’s has officially passed on the vacant Bartell Drugs location. The reason? The parking lot is just too big.

In a statement released via eco-friendly messenger pigeon, Trader Joe’s spokesperson Ivy Green-Cartwright explained the company’s aversion to ample parking. “Trader Joe’s has always prioritized curated inconvenience. A parking lot that allows for fluid entry and exit simply undermines our entire brand philosophy,” Green wrote, adding, “We want our shoppers to earn their frozen mandarin orange chicken.”

“I was initially hopeful,” said local resident and frozen cauliflower gnocchi enthusiast Kelsey Martinfink. “It had all the must-haves: a quirky, vacant storefront and a loading dock that screamed ‘we repurpose shipping pallets.’ I even practiced parking between two Subaru Outbacks in the QFC parking lot in anticipation. But in the end, I guess the parking lot was just too accommodating — which is so bummer.”

“We were this close,” said North Bend City Planner Rick Tamlinhead, holding his thumb and index finger suspiciously far apart. “But once they found out we had more than 16 parking spaces… we lost them.” Meanwhile, the SnoValley Chamber of Commerce is considering a long-shot bid to rebrand the parking lot as “The Upper Snoqualmie Valley Wilderness Trailhead Overflow Lot,” hoping to attract wayward hikers and Teslas alike.

Trader Joe’s is a cult-like American grocery store chain headquartered in Monrovia, California, with over 500 locations across the country. Known for its hand-drawn signage, aggressively friendly staff, and mysteriously addictive house-brands, the chain has built a cult following around gluten-free butter croissants, cauliflower-based everything, and a 'mid-at-best' wine that costs less than a latte.

Bartell Drugs, the 134-year-old Seattle staple known for its regional treats and neighborly charm, is quietly slipping into retail history after its 2020 acquisition by Rite Aid. The North Bend location closed in May 2025, with the final customer reportedly walking out with a pack of Aplets & Cotlets after receiving their flu shot.